Holiday Boundaries for New Parents
I was scrolling on Tiktok the other day (as one does when trying to disassociate) and I came across a video of a pregnant woman asking the Tok for ideas on what she should wear on Thanksgiving. Not like in a “oh, what would be cute to wear” way but in a “I am hosting thanksgiving and I have to cook a lot of food and I want to be comfortable/functional and cute” way.
My first reaction? Honestly something along the lines of “girl, wear whatever you want and tell your family to go to Cracker Barrel if they’d prefer someone else to cook.”
After I simmered down, I conceded that I don’t know her. Maybe she genuinely loves hosting? (Heavy emphasis on the question mark.)
But it did get me thinking about holiday boundaries for new parents. What can we actually say no to?
Things you can say “no” to this thanksgiving:
* You can say no to hosting if you don’t have the capacity. Girl, you just had a baby! No one should be expecting you to host. You can if you enjoy it, of course. But, you can also say no!
*You can say no to passing the baby around. Especially during flu season! Consider baby wearing if your baby is on the newer side, to keep people from kissing/touching your baby.
*You can say no to staying longer than you planned. As a former northerner, I want to personally release you from the obligation of the 45-minute Midwestern goodbye.
*You can say no to questions about your body, your choices, or your parenting. You don’t owe anyone a rundown of your breastfeeding timeline or a TED Talk on why you didn’t choose to co-sleep. Change the subject (OR, if you’re feeling spicy, ask, “What are you doing with your breasts these days?” Guaranteed conversational reset.)
*You can say no to things that overstimulate your baby. It is perfectly okay to step out of a loud and crowded space at a holiday gathering to help your baby regulate.
*You can say no to anything that stretches you past your limit. Pick up a pie from Costco instead of making one. Offer to bring drinks. Have your contribution match the energy you have (or don’t have.)
*Hire help if you need it. If you do end up expending too much energy, or just need to reset, hiring out some of your duties may help you reset!
Navigating gatherings doesn’t have to run you ragged. You’re allowed to make choices that make things easier, calmer, and quieter for you and your baby. Do what works for your family.
