What You’ve Heard About Birth Might Not Be True
When my daughter was little, she used to sing all of the time. One of the songs she used to sing was from preschool “Father Abraham”. In the song, the lyrics say “Father Abraham, and many sons. Many sons had father Abraham.” I have this super sweet video of her, buckled into her carseat, singing while we were waiting on her big siblings. She started signing this song, except her version was a little different. She sang “Father Abraham, and MAYBE sons. And MAYBE sons had father Abraham”.
Jimy Fallon used to have a segment on his show called “hashtags” where he would put a question on Twitter and folks would answer with the trending hashtag. One hashtag he used a few times was “misheard lyrics”. This segment was an Abney family favorite.
If you’re even a casual fan of Taylor Swift, I am sure you’ve heard the lyric that people sing as “got a long list of Starbucks lovers”. (The actual lyric is “long list of ex-lovers.) Here are some more examples of misheard lyrics:
“I want to rock and roll all night, and part of every day.”
“I don’t need dollar bills to have fun tonight, I love cheap grills.” (This was actually my oldest daughter’s misheard lyric. I could never correct her.)
“Bacon and Eggs” for Ariana’s “Thank you, Next”
“Hold me close, Tony Danza” instead of “Hold me close, Tony Danza”. (Honestly, my husband and I still sing it, Tony Danza, after seeing this segment.)
“There’s a bathroom on the right” instead of “there’s a bad moon on the rise.”
The one I heard most recently was from Taylor’s newest album, The Life of a Showgirl. On the album title song, apparently, some people hear the lyric “and all the headshots on the wall” as “and all the hedgehogs on the wall.”
What all of these examples have in common, besides the obvious, is that once I hear the misheard lyric, that is almost ALWAYS what my brain wants it to say. Even if I knew the lyrics correctly first, it is now, and forever, “hedgehogs on the wall” and “Starbucks lovers”. Abraham didn’t have many sons. He had MAYBE sons. (I mean, maybe he did, maybe he didn’t.)
I don’t know the science behind it, but those are now permanent. Maybe oxytocin was produced when I laughed at it while watching TV with my husband. Maybe that imprint of emotions is what makes it so deeply memorable.
It reminds me of how misinformation spreads about all kinds of topics, but for RCD’s blog purposes, we’ll stick to the topic of labor/birth today. An intervention that was misunderstood becomes demonized and is now the understanding of that particular tool. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not; the misheard lyric sticks. Some people may know the actual lyric of that intervention, and may correct themselves if their mind immediately goes to the misunderstood description.
Once we have heard the wrong version of an intervention, though, it is hard to un-hear it. Even if the facts are clear, the emotional imprint of that first impression sticks.
In the birth world, I think of these as misheard lyrics in labor. What you’ve heard about birth may not be true.
The misheard lyric: Pitocin is evil, morally wrong, always dangerous and ruins your birth plan.
The real lyric: Pitocin is a tool.
Depending on the context, it is a tool that can be misused, overused, or used judiciously. Pitocin isn’t a villain. It can be used carefully to help a labor progress when it’s needed (or wanted). You can manage to incorporate Pitocin to achieve your birth goals.
The misheard lyric: If you get an epidural, you’re weak and you’ve given up
The real lyric: Epidurals are one of many options for pain relief.
Epidurals can be a wonderful tool for rest, pain relief, or even to help your body progress. For some people, an epidural can be used as a tool to help you stay present during your birth process.
The misheard lyric: A cesearean birth means you failed
The real lyric: Cesareans can be life-saving. They can also be empowering birth experiences.
No one failed at birth because a tool was needed (OR WANTED!) A surgical birth is a birth. You birthed a freaking human! You’re a rockstar!
Turns out, what you’ve heard about birth might not be true.
Whether it’s lyrics or labor, once you know the real story, you can’t unhear it, and that’s exactly what informed birth should sound like. At Rocket City Doulas, we help you hear the lyric clearly and what you do with it is completely up to you.
Signed,
Your Starbucks Lover (Tracy)
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