We found out midweek last week that our host daughter, M, was going to have to go back to her home country. All of us (M, her natural family, and E and I) knew the possibility was strong that she may have to return home sooner than planned, but it still came as a shock when the decision came through in our emails.
For a few hours, we tried to figure out if we could somehow get around the decision. Could we have circumstances that would enable her to stay? What would happen if we dragged our feet some on filling out the forms? We all concluded that we really had no choice. She had to go home.
It was jolting how quickly everything was set into motion. It felt a little bit like whiplash. M submitted her withdrawl form at 10:00 pm. 7:00 am the next morning, she had a flight booked for 5 days later.
Once the decision was finalized, the sadness started to creep in, but so did feelings of relief. It was no longer M’s decision to stay or to go home, nor ours on whether or not we should encourage her in either direction. The decision eliminated the emotional toll of making the hard choice, with no clear answers.
We had a lot of opportunities to take walks and to talk, and one thing M and I kept coming back to was the uncomfortable tension of feeling conflicting emotions at the same time. She was feeling sad about leaving, but excited to be reunited with her family (totally understandable, right?). My oldest was crushed her built-in BFF had to leave early, but she was excited to move back into her room where M was staying (My youngest was experiencing just one emotion: devastation. That’s ok, too.) The high and the low feelings were mixed, muddling up our hearts until it felt like we were maybe feeling things we shouldn’t.
But, we can feel two conflicting emotions at once. It’s not only ok, but it is also completely normal.
It’s ok if you’re feeling:
- happy about spending more time with your loved ones while also feeling trapped.
- nervous about giving birth in a hospital while also feeling grateful for medical care.
- scared to be pregnant while also feeling excited about your new baby.
- Nervous to bring baby home without friends/family/postpartum doula there to help while also anticipating with joy what your new family will look like.
- Scared about where to get supplies like diapers and formula while also relishing in setting up the nursery.
- disappointed in forced changes in birth plans while also understanding the need for those changes.
- feeling grateful for your physicians, nurses and hospital staff who are trying to keep patients safe while also considering what it might look like if you considered a home birth.
- wishing you could just get everything over with while also looking forward to meeting your baby.
You can feel two things and it’s ok.
Whatever you are feeling today, your feelings are valid.
RCD is here to help in any way that we can. From birth planning sessions, pain management courses, and birth support, we’re now offering all of our services virtually. Let us know how we can support you by contacting us today!
