(This is a repost of a previous blog, updated with new reflections and edits on When Your Birth isn’t What You Expected.)
There’s a trail close by, just a few minutes drive from our house. It has a lovely section that winds through the canopy of the woods making it a perfect spot for a family walk. When it rains a lot, though, the trail tends to flood.
When our kids were younger, it flooded one warm day in summer. My husband and I decided it might be fun to take the kids to the flooded trail. We called it an “adventure”. (My kids have always been up for adventures.)
As we started out on our adventure, it didn’t take us long to get to a flooded portion of the trail. The kids, all wearing Crocs or Chacos, started walking through the gigantic puddle.
Two steps into the puddle, our youngest saw something in the water and started screaming. The kind of scream that can cut to your soul. The kind of scream where my child was shaking, head to toe.
I was sure she saw a snake. Or something equally “scary”.
Nope.
It was the tiniest of tiny crawfish. (To be fair, at this time in her life, the child was also petrified of butterflies and rolly pollies. I’d almost guarantee now she’d pick it up.)
She screamed, and screamed, and shook, and screamed some more. My poor baby was crying so hard she could barely breathe. I came over and picked her up, popped her on my right hip, and walked through the puddle to the dry earth. Finally, after several minutes, her screams turned to cries that turned to little hiccups.
I don’t know why that crawfish frightened her so badly, but years later, she still talks about that incident. (At the first draft of this blog it had been 7 years, it’s been 3 more and she still remembers.) She can’t vocalize why it was traumatic, but she tells me she remembers being afraid.
The crawfish incident is a reminder that fear and trauma have their own triggers. What might seem small or insignificant to someone else can leave a lasting impression, shaping how we view the world and, ultimately, ourselves. Trauma is deeply personal, and its significance doesn’t diminish just because others may not understand it.
Trauma can sometimes look like a gigantic snake in the water. It’s obvious to everyone. The bystanders walk away from the same incident thinking “Of course. That would be traumatic for anyone.” We may think of very dramatic birth stories we’ve heard and place those in this category in our brains.
Sometimes, though, trauma looks like the tiniest of tiny crawfish. It isn’t obvious to everyone, but it causes an emotional and physical reaction to you. It can alter how you view your experience and how you view yourself.
Unfortunately, we don’t get to pick and choose what’s traumatic to us. Like beauty, trauma is in the eye of the beholder. It’s personal. It’s specific to you and your circumstances.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the tinniest crawfish, if it’s trauma to you, it’s valid.
At RCD we validate your trauma when your birth isn’t what you expected. We can help you get the resources you need or just sit and listen. We probably can’t pop you up on our right hip, but we’re here to walk through the puddle with you.
