The first night home:
Wait, did they just put us in our car and let us leave with this baby? Are we old enough to do that?
The ride home from the hospital was a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation for my husband and me. While my husband drove, I marveled at the teeny, tiny bundle nestled in the car seat next to me, but beneath the surface of my joy lay a thick and dark layer of worry and uncertainty. As we pulled into our driveway, the reality sank in: we were finally home, but we were completely alone with our baby.
Ok, so maybe not completely alone. My mom had come in from out of town. But, the daunting prospect of the facing the first night with out the nurses to help both me and the baby loomed large in my mind. Could we actually figure this out?
As darkness descended and I cradled our daughter in my arms, a whirlwind of emotions swept over me. Excitement mingled with apprehension as we prepared to truly begin as parents, for the rest of our lives. Already overwhelmed with exhausted, the anticipation of those sleepless nights to come loomed large in this moment, (like really, really large) casting a shadow of uncertainty over what lay ahead.
As the night unfolded, we found ourselves navigating new territory, learning to decipher the cries of our daughter (“why is she crying now? She just ate.”), maneuvering the the newness of breastfeeding a baby with such a tiny mouth, and mastering the art of diaper changes and trying to remember the art of swaddling in the dim light. Not to mention learning how to manage the pain of exhaustion and movement with my freshly postpartum body.
There were moments of overwhelming joy as we gazed into our baby’s eyes, and several times we quoted “I can’t believe we made this”, marveling at the miracle we held in our arms. But there were also moments of exhaustion and frustration as we grappled with the challenges of soothing a fussy infant, perfecting a shallow latch, and settling into a rhythm as new parents.
Looking back, I realize that having additional support in those early hours could have made a world of difference. While I wasn’t completely alone, since my mom was there, a postpartum doula would have been amazing! Having someone who had expereince with newborns, someone to help us ALL get some extra rest, could have provided much-needed reassurance during those challenging first nights (and weeks, let’s be honest).
Yes, there may be sleepless nights and moments of uncertainty along the way, but know that you are not alone. And if you find yourself needing more support the first night home, your RCD Postpartum and Infant Care doulas are just a call away!
