This is a photo of me from 6 years ago, and it’s a photo that makes me feel happy AND sad.
You see, I was *really* happy here. Seriously happy.
I was drinking coffee (my favorite beverage) upon a mountain that we hiked (my favorite activity) in Thailand (my favorite country) overlooking the ocean (my favorite place) while on a vacation with my husband (my favorite person.)
When we left this coffee house and started our hike down the mountain, we started planning a trip to Thailand with our entire family. When we got home, we broke down the specifics in our budget, seeing how much and how long we’d have to save (we have 4 kids, so major travel isn’t cheap!).
We saved and planned, and had a tentative date over Christmas of 2020.
We didn’t go. We weren’t completely devastated, at first, because we figured we’d just push it back one more year- to 2021.
I’m sure you can all guess what happened. We were unable to go over Christmas in 2021 either.
Unfortunately, we’re running out of opportunities to go as a family unit. Our older kids are nearing the end of their time with us and they’re also busy with work and sports and jobs. I’m feeling really sad wrapping my brain around the idea that we won’t be going as a family.
I don’t share this as a “woe is me” post. But, as this picture appeared in my memories today reminded me, grief is not reserved for those we have lost or the dead.
Grief is tangled in loss of all kinds, big and small.
Grief from broken relationships, unmet expectations, birth trauma, infertility, miscarriage, the pandemic, etc.
Grief is a normal part of life, and we often dismiss it because it doesn’t feel “important” or others convince us that we’re sad for no reason.
It’s ok, and normal, to grieve for things that we thought we might have. It’s ok to grieve a birth plan that didn’t work out or a rough recovery that hindered your bonding with your baby.
It’s ok, and NORMAL to grieve those things.
