Today’s post is an open (with love) letter from Heather, one of our Rocket City Doulas labor doulas.
Dear Strong One,
“I’m just exhausted.”
You planned for a natural labor. You did all of the best practices: chose a supportive provider, hired a doula team, took classes, did all of the research. But no one could have anticipated that labor would go so slowly. No one could have guessed all of the hiccups along the way. There was pain concentrated in places that were unexpected—your back, your thighs. And you breathed so deeply, strong one. You breathed slowly in and out. You breathed so well. For hours and hours. Your partner brushed your hair from your face, held your hand. Your doula squeezed your hips and helped you change positions. For hours and hours. You handled those contractions like a warrior. You are a warrior.
You were utterly exhausted…and you had wished for a natural birth. “I can’t physically do it. I think I need an epidural.”
And there was a look of defeat on your face, not from the exhaustion or the labor pains. The look of defeat that said you failed. How would you face your co-worker who taunted you about wanting a natural labor? “We’ll see,” she had said as she laughed at you. “Why wouldn’t you want an epidural? That’s crazy,” your sister-in-law had scoffed. You had not felt supported by everyone when you spoke of your wishes for an unmedicated labor. And here you were faced with needing a tool to help your baby come into this world.
A tool. That is exactly what an epidural is. And sometimes a tool is needed in order to progress. A carpenter cannot hammer a nail into wood with only a fist. Nuts and bolts can only be turned so far with fingers before needing a wrench. Tools are there to help us complete a plan. Using a hammer or wrench—or Pitocin, or nitrous, or even an epidural—in the appropriate circumstances with the help of your provider and birth team helps a plan come to fruition.
It is ok for you to feel disappointment and defeat. It is ok for you to grieve the original plan. Cry and talk and cry again. Feel sad about how it went and what could have been.
But then…take a deep breath, strong one, and know that just because you had an epidural, or pain meds, or even a c-section, does not mean that you did not have a natural birth. That’s right; I said it. Your birth was just as natural as any other. You endured discomforts and pains during pregnancy. You felt those pre-term labor aches. You just may have endured hours and hours of contractions. You swam through the exhaustion and pain. You just might have had an unmedicated, medicated, epidural, AND c-section birth experience. Any or all of these do not discredit the very real experience of the others.
Dear Strong One, your birth brought your baby into this world. Your birth shaped you into a life-giver. Your birth created a warrior out of you. Sounds awfully beautiful and natural to me.
Love,
Heather
When Heather is not with clients, she is usually spending time with her four kids, drinking coffee, or teaching British Lit. Heather loves chickens, cats, tattoos, playing ukulele, baking, and self-care.
